B R O K E N
not long ago...
he was dying to rescue this broken relationship..
he did everything..every single thing that he could to get her back..
he was hurt and depressed..he was guilty and hoping for a change of life..
he tried...and he tried....
he ignored and refused to think of the consequences..
he locked himself in his own world...
memories became his refuge...
Saturday, April 01, 2017
Sunday, June 29, 2008
even a tiny full stop happens for a reason. . .
We've been through so much so much...
brain can really work extraordinarily well when I finally realized that every single moment that I miss spending with you ain't gonna happen anymore. This thought acts like a stimulant to my brain...activated every single unknown system that has to do with the storage of all our memories which leads to a never ending video clip that keeps playing in my mind...keeps digging for more and more..
I do not blame it on the brain, but the heart, that is so afraid of letting these memories slip out just like that if I do not try to retain them when they are still fresh in mind....
I blamed you for being selfish and cruel and I chose to react in a harsh way. I might overdid it , because you are not the only one that I am trying to convince..
A sour break, that's all we need now. You want to take all the blame on you, which will makes you feel better... and I need to hate you, in order to fulfill your wish..
I know you well enough to understand what you are trying to do.
I truly believe that you aren't doing this for whatever bullshit freedom..
and I know that I do not mean to say those words to you.
but maybe this is the only way for us sort things out right now...
you have no idea how reluctant I am to lose a friend like you.
I still love you the way I used to...
and I know that I will never get to tell you this anymore...
We've been through so much so much...
brain can really work extraordinarily well when I finally realized that every single moment that I miss spending with you ain't gonna happen anymore. This thought acts like a stimulant to my brain...activated every single unknown system that has to do with the storage of all our memories which leads to a never ending video clip that keeps playing in my mind...keeps digging for more and more..
I do not blame it on the brain, but the heart, that is so afraid of letting these memories slip out just like that if I do not try to retain them when they are still fresh in mind....
I blamed you for being selfish and cruel and I chose to react in a harsh way. I might overdid it , because you are not the only one that I am trying to convince..
A sour break, that's all we need now. You want to take all the blame on you, which will makes you feel better... and I need to hate you, in order to fulfill your wish..
I know you well enough to understand what you are trying to do.
I truly believe that you aren't doing this for whatever bullshit freedom..
and I know that I do not mean to say those words to you.
but maybe this is the only way for us sort things out right now...
you have no idea how reluctant I am to lose a friend like you.
I still love you the way I used to...
and I know that I will never get to tell you this anymore...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
the last kiss
I was browsing and scanning through wendy's hard disc and came across to a movie with the title THE LAST KISS.
a good movie which reveals the realistic side of life, love and society...
its so true that we could actually get rid of depressions, troubles, struggles and pain if we could forgive and forget, let go of the hatred and basically just get immuned to whatever hurtful things that happen to us ...
let it be.. betrayals among good friends, colleagues, family members and your love one.
anyone ,including assholes, can come up to u, telling u that they love you ....
but what they say, only matters to them...
what they do...matters to ppl around them who love them..
we might think that so and so are reliable ..they love us and they will never let us down..
but u will never know whats running in their minds even if they happen to be the one u hug tightly in ur arms, the one lying next to u for decades, the one who understands u the most...
there is nothing that we can do to prevent bad things happen...but certainly we have to learn how to deal with shit like these... ways of dealing it lead to different types of outcomes...
if you are willing to give in, everything may returns to how it was.. but we will never know whether the history will replays itself or not...there is always a risk..everything is about risking anyway...
how great if God would have created a button for each of us which can turn us into senseless,emotionless and stress-free living creature for a short period in order to make the right move at the right time...in another words, being an outsider of a situation we get to see what decision is the best to be made and vice versa...
losing control of our emotions and words is definitely a no no ...
when someone who u love so much betrays u... stop looking at what he or she had done to u to hurt u so deeply at that moment ... recall what he or she had done to u to have make u love them so much ...they were once the one who made u feel that u were the luckiest person on earth...
it has always been difficult to practice what we were taught when we are the one getting involved....
it has always been harder for us to forgive those who are closer to us ..
hardly makes sense when u come to think bout it ..but we still do it all the time..
I was browsing and scanning through wendy's hard disc and came across to a movie with the title THE LAST KISS.
a good movie which reveals the realistic side of life, love and society...
its so true that we could actually get rid of depressions, troubles, struggles and pain if we could forgive and forget, let go of the hatred and basically just get immuned to whatever hurtful things that happen to us ...
let it be.. betrayals among good friends, colleagues, family members and your love one.
anyone ,including assholes, can come up to u, telling u that they love you ....
but what they say, only matters to them...
what they do...matters to ppl around them who love them..
we might think that so and so are reliable ..they love us and they will never let us down..
but u will never know whats running in their minds even if they happen to be the one u hug tightly in ur arms, the one lying next to u for decades, the one who understands u the most...
there is nothing that we can do to prevent bad things happen...but certainly we have to learn how to deal with shit like these... ways of dealing it lead to different types of outcomes...
if you are willing to give in, everything may returns to how it was.. but we will never know whether the history will replays itself or not...there is always a risk..everything is about risking anyway...
how great if God would have created a button for each of us which can turn us into senseless,emotionless and stress-free living creature for a short period in order to make the right move at the right time...in another words, being an outsider of a situation we get to see what decision is the best to be made and vice versa...
losing control of our emotions and words is definitely a no no ...
when someone who u love so much betrays u... stop looking at what he or she had done to u to hurt u so deeply at that moment ... recall what he or she had done to u to have make u love them so much ...they were once the one who made u feel that u were the luckiest person on earth...
it has always been difficult to practice what we were taught when we are the one getting involved....
it has always been harder for us to forgive those who are closer to us ..
hardly makes sense when u come to think bout it ..but we still do it all the time..
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
its complicated
its funny to see how relationships connect us together..
it doesn't matter what kind of relationships we are having ..
when we come to think bout this, we tend to find out that every single relationship has its own significance in our lives..
friendship among the gals :
they are those who become our refuge and are willing to spend time on us when our lives get miserable (causative agents : guys out there..most of the time)
friendship with the opposite sex:
they are usually seem to be more interesting to hang out with...somehow...
but we need to have a borderline in such relationship...crossing the line is always a huge mistake..wandering at the edge would be just nice...no rush..
if this relationship lasts more than couple of years, then probably there wouldn't be any changes in the future.
relationship with the one you love:
if there is a machine which has an ability of recording the graph of this kind of relationship...i guess the fluctuation of this relationshipgram is gonna be worse than what we can see in Torsades de Pointes ECG...
we will only hate someone deeply when he/she was once the one we loved the most...
relationship with the exes:
its complicated.no one else can provide an exact definition of this.
relationship with the bf' exes:
phew~usually ends up more like a battle or a competition between both parties.....
although we might shared the same interest...there might be some resemblances ...
clicking well usually takes place superficially...not any deeper..
relationship with bf's exes' previous ex:
getting too close to them might unconsciously provoke the possibilities of ur bf patching things up with his ex....wat a joke..
moral of the story...
making friends is good..but not to this extent...if so happen that it has to come to this complicated, try not to link things up like what i just did..
its funny to see how relationships connect us together..
it doesn't matter what kind of relationships we are having ..
when we come to think bout this, we tend to find out that every single relationship has its own significance in our lives..
friendship among the gals :
they are those who become our refuge and are willing to spend time on us when our lives get miserable (causative agents : guys out there..most of the time)
friendship with the opposite sex:
they are usually seem to be more interesting to hang out with...somehow...
but we need to have a borderline in such relationship...crossing the line is always a huge mistake..wandering at the edge would be just nice...no rush..
if this relationship lasts more than couple of years, then probably there wouldn't be any changes in the future.
relationship with the one you love:
if there is a machine which has an ability of recording the graph of this kind of relationship...i guess the fluctuation of this relationshipgram is gonna be worse than what we can see in Torsades de Pointes ECG...
we will only hate someone deeply when he/she was once the one we loved the most...
relationship with the exes:
its complicated.no one else can provide an exact definition of this.
relationship with the bf' exes:
phew~usually ends up more like a battle or a competition between both parties.....
although we might shared the same interest...there might be some resemblances ...
clicking well usually takes place superficially...not any deeper..
relationship with bf's exes' previous ex:
getting too close to them might unconsciously provoke the possibilities of ur bf patching things up with his ex....wat a joke..
moral of the story...
making friends is good..but not to this extent...if so happen that it has to come to this complicated, try not to link things up like what i just did..
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Saturday, June 02, 2007
frontal lobe disorder...
These few days i have been suffering badly from this headache which is localized in the region of frontal lobe..its killing me..pain irradiates from maxillary sinus all the way up to the cortex...
i guess that explains my weird behaviors and the reason i started blogging so frequently nowadays..
i feel sorry for the people around me...
i get so easily irritated..by small tiny things..
i started to hate people who talk to me..
i keep all my hatreds in me..i keep quiet...n i bury them in my dreams..
i sleep n sleep...reluctant to get out from my blanket..
i dun wan to meet anybody and start hating them for no reasons...
this morning, i received a call..it was Ron.
"hey gal, what did you get for your russian exam yesterday?"
"hmm..a 3 ..why?" (as the matter of fact, he knew it on the spot itself)
"do you feel like going there n MINTA her??"
"WHAT?!?FOR WHAT I WAN TO DO THAT TO MYSELF!?" *getting a bit grumpy*
"but if like this meaning we will lose the red diploma..."
"so?like i care...i wasn't even aiming for that anymore.."
"why so easily give up ...."
"alright, let me tell you what...no matter what happens..there is no way for me to lower my voice and ask for a better results..she is so bias and obviously even if we do that..it will not make a difference...so please spare some dignity for ourselves...if you really feel like doing something...just go to dean's office..tell them that we are not coming for the results..but to let u guys know that there is something like this going on in that bloody russian department..."
"well...hmm..alright..we shall think bout this after obs exam.."
"ok..bye."
DAMN SCREWED UP MOOD...
headache attacks again...
life...when can i get rid of all these man...leave me alone...i dun fucking care what results i gonna get anymore...after all what they have here is some fucking unfair system...you are not fucking standardized to judge me..
headache ...
These few days i have been suffering badly from this headache which is localized in the region of frontal lobe..its killing me..pain irradiates from maxillary sinus all the way up to the cortex...
i guess that explains my weird behaviors and the reason i started blogging so frequently nowadays..
i feel sorry for the people around me...
i get so easily irritated..by small tiny things..
i started to hate people who talk to me..
i keep all my hatreds in me..i keep quiet...n i bury them in my dreams..
i sleep n sleep...reluctant to get out from my blanket..
i dun wan to meet anybody and start hating them for no reasons...
this morning, i received a call..it was Ron.
"hey gal, what did you get for your russian exam yesterday?"
"hmm..a 3 ..why?" (as the matter of fact, he knew it on the spot itself)
"do you feel like going there n MINTA her??"
"WHAT?!?FOR WHAT I WAN TO DO THAT TO MYSELF!?" *getting a bit grumpy*
"but if like this meaning we will lose the red diploma..."
"so?like i care...i wasn't even aiming for that anymore.."
"why so easily give up ...."
"alright, let me tell you what...no matter what happens..there is no way for me to lower my voice and ask for a better results..she is so bias and obviously even if we do that..it will not make a difference...so please spare some dignity for ourselves...if you really feel like doing something...just go to dean's office..tell them that we are not coming for the results..but to let u guys know that there is something like this going on in that bloody russian department..."
"well...hmm..alright..we shall think bout this after obs exam.."
"ok..bye."
DAMN SCREWED UP MOOD...
headache attacks again...
life...when can i get rid of all these man...leave me alone...i dun fucking care what results i gonna get anymore...after all what they have here is some fucking unfair system...you are not fucking standardized to judge me..
headache ...
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