its 2.19am

Finally finished dermatology exam. Did well but i still feel that i do not deserve the results.

Tomorrow , i have dentistry exam..which is kindsa time-wasting and useless subject, but i have no choice but to study and fill up my atrophying brain with dull and sickening info bout all-sound-the-same-to-me bloody dental diseases.Well, if only my teacher is not that cute and does not own a pair of pretty eyes, i wouldn't have sit down here whole night, attempt to study dentistry.

Today i met an interesting patient. She is a 40-year-old lady, a bit plump but she has better skin than i do. That's not the point. Basically 80% of russian females have rosy and silky skin.
She complains of reduction of sensation on her right half of her body and face , in additional, she feels weakness in her right side extremities.

Physical examination was performed and not much of weakness signs were found.
Symptoms are too confusing and most of them do not make sense at all. What i am trying to say is that.. its impossible for her to have such complex of symptoms...presence of central and peripheral plagia signs...without any significant causes and reasonable risk factors..thats just too ridiculous.

We made her walk down the aisle to show us the gait... she was walking as if she had severe weakness on the right leg but physical examination shows that she doesnt have any weakness..so tell me wats wrong with her???
She complains of no sensation on the right half of her body but ironically she could analyze and percept the texture of things that we asked her to hold.

At the end of the lesson, our neurologist teacher told us that she might have some kind of mental illness, functional disorder....alright..i sort of pity her..40- year-old , has a daughter who is elder than me 2 years..intentionally creating symptoms to confuse ppl like us, who haven't been sleepin for more than 5 hours a day since sem started and having tension headache every now and then especially when comes to the time of handing up cases reports and studying for countless exams.

On the other hand, we have this patient who used to stay thousand miles away from Moscow admitted to our neurology department few days ago.
To me, he looks so naive and innocent, just like those little kids who still play with their fingers and toes when they feel bored..and stare at you with eyes which filled up with thousand and millions of question marks.

He is diagnosed with partial and generalized seizures with unknown cause. He had been suffering from this since he was 5 years old and since then he did not get to step his foot into any schools available in his country. He is now 29 .. with no ability to read or write...i wonder how did he manage to live for the past 24 years..at the same time i feel devastated and frustrated over his irresponsible parents. Shame on u to have brought him into this world without giving him a life!!!

alright, its time to get back to my dentistry text books ... May God show some mercy on these unfortunate ppl on earth...
Appreciate your life....that's all i wish to say and that's the only thing i could think of to comfort myself at this moment.

4am post

也许你说不爱我了
也许你又出现在漫空
雪花坠落 碎了一地的天空
那么痛 你还 走过
也许你想念我也许你放不开手
我只想看一次你眼里的海誓山盟
我爱你丢掉了会笑的自己
用掉了所有的力气
没有关系 我并不想听你说 对不起
我爱你可是到这里就可以
很高兴我认识了你
不哭了 我愿意放弃

凌晨的四点钟。。刚把应该读的都读了。。眼睛酸了，身体累了，却无法入睡。
歌词在脑袋里转个不停。
生活除了上网和读书。。就再也没有什么消遣了。。
烦。。。压力就快逼得我无法喘过气来。。。单单想着考试， 手脚不禁直冒冷汗。
好累。

5 min to 5am....
what the hell am i doing???there is no way of me getting my arse back onto tat chair again..and start studying again.
anyways, i am enjoying this moment.. i love staying up late at night. I just love the peace.

Fell sick quite frequently nowadays. I have the feelings of my brain is atrophied.
Unconsciously losing memories.. especially when it comes to studies..
wondering how am i going to survive till the end of semester..
miss home badly.