the last kiss


I was browsing and scanning through wendy's hard disc and came across to a movie with the title THE LAST KISS.

a good movie which reveals the realistic side of life, love and society...

its so true that we could actually get rid of depressions, troubles, struggles and pain if we could forgive and forget, let go of the hatred and basically just get immuned to whatever hurtful things that happen to us ...
let it be.. betrayals among good friends, colleagues, family members and your love one.

anyone ,including assholes, can come up to u, telling u that they love you ....
but what they say, only matters to them...
what they do...matters to ppl around them who love them..

we might think that so and so are reliable ..they love us and they will never let us down..
but u will never know whats running in their minds even if they happen to be the one u hug tightly in ur arms, the one lying next to u for decades, the one who understands u the most...

there is nothing that we can do to prevent bad things happen...but certainly we have to learn how to deal with shit like these... ways of dealing it lead to different types of outcomes...

if you are willing to give in, everything may returns to how it was.. but we will never know whether the history will replays itself or not...there is always a risk..everything is about risking anyway...

how great if God would have created a button for each of us which can turn us into senseless,emotionless and stress-free living creature for a short period in order to make the right move at the right time...in another words, being an outsider of a situation we get to see what decision is the best to be made and vice versa...

losing control of our emotions and words is definitely a no no ...
when someone who u love so much betrays u... stop looking at what he or she had done to u to hurt u so deeply at that moment ... recall what he or she had done to u to have make u love them so much ...they were once the one who made u feel that u were the luckiest person on earth...

it has always been difficult to practice what we were taught when we are the one getting involved....
it has always been harder for us to forgive those who are closer to us ..
hardly makes sense when u come to think bout it ..but we still do it all the time..

不瞒你说我真的有想过
从今以后不再跟你有任何联络
不要再试着暗示我
后来你发现什么
不瞒你说并不特别寂寞
接下来的几个周末节目特别多
偶而会有人喜欢我
但并不代表什么
现在的我
不缺什么
认真的生活偶而会难过
新朋友很多他们不够了解我
新朋友很多他们都不了解我
问了太多我只是微笑的带过
未来的我没有如果
不相信星座能预告什么
假设那么多过去会不会复活
假设那么多过去能不能来过
最好没有如果
我不相信如果
不瞒你说经过几次风波
你不能再从我脸上读出些什么
要适应的事越来越多
改变的不止是我

Ya..
just like what you'd told me ..
=)

its complicated


its funny to see how relationships connect us together..
it doesn't matter what kind of relationships we are having ..
when we come to think bout this, we tend to find out that every single relationship has its own significance in our lives..

friendship among the gals :
they are those who become our refuge and are willing to spend time on us when our lives get miserable (causative agents : guys out there..most of the time)

friendship with the opposite sex:
they are usually seem to be more interesting to hang out with...somehow...
but we need to have a borderline in such relationship...crossing the line is always a huge mistake..wandering at the edge would be just nice...no rush..
if this relationship lasts more than couple of years, then probably there wouldn't be any changes in the future.

relationship with the one you love:
if there is a machine which has an ability of recording the graph of this kind of relationship...i guess the fluctuation of this relationshipgram is gonna be worse than what we can see in Torsades de Pointes ECG...
we will only hate someone deeply when he/she was once the one we loved the most...

relationship with the exes:
its complicated.no one else can provide an exact definition of this.

relationship with the bf' exes:
phew~usually ends up more like a battle or a competition between both parties.....
although we might shared the same interest...there might be some resemblances ...
clicking well usually takes place superficially...not any deeper..

relationship with bf's exes' previous ex:
getting too close to them might unconsciously provoke the possibilities of ur bf patching things up with his ex....wat a joke..

moral of the story...
making friends is good..but not to this extent...if so happen that it has to come to this complicated, try not to link things up like what i just did..

被废弃的歌词


从未想过 我会遇见你

更不相信 我竟爱上你

我们就像贝壳与沙

都在互相衬托大家

你爱发呆 我却爱乱猜

在一起的日子 都爱得好精彩

喜欢你那纯真可爱的微笑

不由自主地为它而心跳

你和我 要继续相爱

不管天气有多坏

就是分不开

frontal lobe disorder...

These few days i have been suffering badly from this headache which is localized in the region of frontal lobe..its killing me..pain irradiates from maxillary sinus all the way up to the cortex...
i guess that explains my weird behaviors and the reason i started blogging so frequently nowadays..

i feel sorry for the people around me...
i get so easily irritated..by small tiny things..
i started to hate people who talk to me..
i keep all my hatreds in me..i keep quiet...n i bury them in my dreams..
i sleep n sleep...reluctant to get out from my blanket..
i dun wan to meet anybody and start hating them for no reasons...

this morning, i received a call..it was Ron.

"hey gal, what did you get for your russian exam yesterday?"


"hmm..a 3 ..why?" (as the matter of fact, he knew it on the spot itself)

"do you feel like going there n MINTA her??"

"WHAT?!?FOR WHAT I WAN TO DO THAT TO MYSELF!?" *getting a bit grumpy*

"but if like this meaning we will lose the red diploma..."

"so?like i care...i wasn't even aiming for that anymore.."

"why so easily give up ...."

"alright, let me tell you what...no matter what happens..there is no way for me to lower my voice and ask for a better results..she is so bias and obviously even if we do that..it will not make a difference...so please spare some dignity for ourselves...if you really feel like doing something...just go to dean's office..tell them that we are not coming for the results..but to let u guys know that there is something like this going on in that bloody russian department..."

"well...hmm..alright..we shall think bout this after obs exam.."

"ok..bye."

DAMN SCREWED UP MOOD...
headache attacks again...
life...when can i get rid of all these man...leave me alone...i dun fucking care what results i gonna get anymore...after all what they have here is some fucking unfair system...you are not fucking standardized to judge me..

headache ...

back to the blogging days.....

Someone commented that i do not really know what i want...
this sentence has been echoing whole day in my mind...what do i really want in my life?
does it really matter in the end???

Everyone thinks that they know what they really want in their lives..but how sure are they that those things they have in mind are really what they really want...naaahh..i do not believe in that and of course i have my reasons to make my stand concrete...

1. first of all, human beings are greedy. They get what they want..but they will never appreciate what they already have. When they see others achieve something else, they tend to think that they want the same thing as well. Its the jealousy which is playing its part here..not your own desire !!!
2. when you have something which is belonged to you and all of a sudden somebody snatched it away from you. At this very moment, you realize that how much that particular thing means to you and again you think that, that is all you want in your life..you will do everything..what i mean is really everything...to get back what you used to own. Its some kind of possessive behavior or ego which is embedded deep inside...
3. its always easier to talk the talk and not walk the walk...yeah..you know what you want, you wish to achieve what you want..but there are always obstacles around..you try your very best to solve things out one after another...in the end..you turn and look back at what you have done ...you wonder, is this really what i want? or was i just chasing blindly for something which i could not achieve before this?

It doesn't matter so much after all...life is short...chasing for what you want does not mean that you are appreciating your life ...
this is one of the reasons which cause us to neglect what we already have...chasing for more will only leads you to discontentment..
happiness is not about obtaining what you really want in life...but to appreciate and enjoy every single moment of having what you are given with in life...even if you cant get what you want in life..you still have the ability to look at the brighter side...and be satisfied ...and believe that He has His reasons for not giving you what you want.Time will tell.

RED ALERT!!!

AGAIN...THE EXAMS SEASON..ya again...

not-so-a-rubrophilic..

this colour is so much more delightful...i guess i m tensed up enough .
first of all, Thank God for answering my prayers...i m very thankful for all my sweet and caring friends around....they are supportive and without them i guess i wouldn't be tough enough to sustain all these nonsense.

"how's life??how's exam goin?"

"well, life is sucky as usual...exam is torturous as usual..."

i know i have been giving the same answer for the past few years...but i guess that is the only thing tat i can type...but thanks for asking the same question every year..

i have not been blogging for quite a long time..due to some complicated issues that non-stop bothering me throughout the past few months.
Complicated yet worthy i would say..

i'd never thought that my single life could actually become the most complicated period of time in my life...so tell me now, my theory was wrong huh?!?
so what now?getting involved in a relationship is a way to get myself out of all these problems?or avoid falling for anyone but get the others into some troublesome shit?
ya, by now u might be thinkin of giving me an advice...
"follow your heart...follow the flow ..gal.."
i guess this is bullshit...its just a stupid way of hiding urself somewhere else and refuse to face the reality of life and at the same time making the others sustain the hurtful consequences for you, YOU,WHO MADE THE MISTAKE !! you selfish idiot!

maybe i shouldn't call it a mistake...it was something good and enlightening..
i am glad that things ended up maturely at least...
those days were wonderful and memorable...

i was in this dilemma for such a long period without coming out with a decision...my bad..
i dared not to make a single move...situation was really bad..i couldn't bear to imagine the consequences of any decision that i was going to make..this is definitely harder than diagnosing a disease ...
my head hurts badly whenever i tried to think bout it..my heart aches when i see how others suffer for what i had done ...
i wanted to make the right and smart move that will please every party...but obviously its not possible...

its over i guess....

just wan to apologize to those who think that i owe them apologies...
and thank those who actually did forgive me ...

no matter how the future goes....
i am going to try my very best to hold on to my decision...
thanks for never give up in guiding me...
although i am such an unworthy one..

its a blessing to have you in my life...

its 2.19am

Finally finished dermatology exam. Did well but i still feel that i do not deserve the results.

Tomorrow , i have dentistry exam..which is kindsa time-wasting and useless subject, but i have no choice but to study and fill up my atrophying brain with dull and sickening info bout all-sound-the-same-to-me bloody dental diseases.Well, if only my teacher is not that cute and does not own a pair of pretty eyes, i wouldn't have sit down here whole night, attempt to study dentistry.

Today i met an interesting patient. She is a 40-year-old lady, a bit plump but she has better skin than i do. That's not the point. Basically 80% of russian females have rosy and silky skin.
She complains of reduction of sensation on her right half of her body and face , in additional, she feels weakness in her right side extremities.

Physical examination was performed and not much of weakness signs were found.
Symptoms are too confusing and most of them do not make sense at all. What i am trying to say is that.. its impossible for her to have such complex of symptoms...presence of central and peripheral plagia signs...without any significant causes and reasonable risk factors..thats just too ridiculous.

We made her walk down the aisle to show us the gait... she was walking as if she had severe weakness on the right leg but physical examination shows that she doesnt have any weakness..so tell me wats wrong with her???
She complains of no sensation on the right half of her body but ironically she could analyze and percept the texture of things that we asked her to hold.

At the end of the lesson, our neurologist teacher told us that she might have some kind of mental illness, functional disorder....alright..i sort of pity her..40- year-old , has a daughter who is elder than me 2 years..intentionally creating symptoms to confuse ppl like us, who haven't been sleepin for more than 5 hours a day since sem started and having tension headache every now and then especially when comes to the time of handing up cases reports and studying for countless exams.

On the other hand, we have this patient who used to stay thousand miles away from Moscow admitted to our neurology department few days ago.
To me, he looks so naive and innocent, just like those little kids who still play with their fingers and toes when they feel bored..and stare at you with eyes which filled up with thousand and millions of question marks.

He is diagnosed with partial and generalized seizures with unknown cause. He had been suffering from this since he was 5 years old and since then he did not get to step his foot into any schools available in his country. He is now 29 .. with no ability to read or write...i wonder how did he manage to live for the past 24 years..at the same time i feel devastated and frustrated over his irresponsible parents. Shame on u to have brought him into this world without giving him a life!!!

alright, its time to get back to my dentistry text books ... May God show some mercy on these unfortunate ppl on earth...
Appreciate your life....that's all i wish to say and that's the only thing i could think of to comfort myself at this moment.

4am post

也许你说不爱我了
也许你又出现在漫空
雪花坠落 碎了一地的天空
那么痛 你还 走过
也许你想念我也许你放不开手
我只想看一次你眼里的海誓山盟
我爱你丢掉了会笑的自己
用掉了所有的力气
没有关系 我并不想听你说 对不起
我爱你可是到这里就可以
很高兴我认识了你
不哭了 我愿意放弃

凌晨的四点钟。。刚把应该读的都读了。。眼睛酸了，身体累了，却无法入睡。
歌词在脑袋里转个不停。
生活除了上网和读书。。就再也没有什么消遣了。。
烦。。。压力就快逼得我无法喘过气来。。。单单想着考试， 手脚不禁直冒冷汗。
好累。

5 min to 5am....
what the hell am i doing???there is no way of me getting my arse back onto tat chair again..and start studying again.
anyways, i am enjoying this moment.. i love staying up late at night. I just love the peace.

Fell sick quite frequently nowadays. I have the feelings of my brain is atrophied.
Unconsciously losing memories.. especially when it comes to studies..
wondering how am i going to survive till the end of semester..
miss home badly.

Men's day 23rd of feb 2007!!!

Its just an ordinary day ..as usual i am still the sexist gal who you used to know.

It has been quite some time since i last blogged..

The reason i thought of blogging on this particular day is actually due to the urge of posting some of the pic that i took recently.

The yellow building as u can see from the pic above is my hostel. It looks pretty in the pic..

Check out my latest camwhore pics~they are so alvin-ish according to gene..

My current cycle is just so relaxing that i feel like i am having an extra month of hols in moscow.

Every morning i get up from bed at 8 am and classes end at eleven sharp without fail and i get to enjoy the whole day msn or hide myself under the blanket enjoying the warmness while the others suffering badly in the cold ( around - 30 degrees).

Seeing my roommates studying like mad for their current subjects i am starting to feel the stress. Next month onwards i will be the only nerd burying my head into those medical books which are simply thicker than telephone directories back home.

I m just so going to die.

Life without internet can really kill me now. This is my only entertainment which brings me the best medicine that keeps me away from sedatives and anti-depressants.

Ya i m sounding delighful but no doubt there are upsetness and depressions going on at the same time..

I have a junior who had just lost both of his parents due to stroke and depression.

I have a senior who is trying to brainwash me as much as he could to try out new relationship with guys who are aftering me.

I have a pretty huge bag of laundry that i need to do right now.

I have a lot of things that i wish to buy but i am so damn broke.

I have problems with my current weight but i am just so lazy to do work outs everyday.

....

alright, obviously i have nothing much to blog about..so just call it a post.