父母的孩子们；孩子们的父母

孩子诞生时，婴儿呱呱落地，
父母在兴奋的同时却难免担心孩子的将来
孩子踏出了他的第一步， 心想：跌倒还真痛；
父母拍着手，心想：孩子长大得真快
孩子哭了， 心想：为何不抱抱我呢？；
父母邹着眉头，心想：孩子我好累了
孩子开心地收到第一份生日礼物， 心想 ：我会好好保护这份礼物，
父母微笑着，心想：不久又贪新厌久了。。
孩子把玩具丢得满地都是，心想：快逃，妈妈来了！;
父母气急败坏地，摇着头把家里整理一番
孩子无心向学，心想：把功课藏起来，他们就不懂了；
父母烦恼地思索，心想：孩子怎么变坏了？
孩子功课赶不来，把美术功课推给了父母亲；
父母累坏了，却不忍让孩子熬夜
孩子想逃课，心想：装病不就得了吗？；
父母一眼识穿，心想：八岁小孩的演技，骗得了我吗？
当孩子真正长大了，一心只想往外面的世界跑
可怜做父母亲的却只能默默的付出。。忍受着寂寞。。接受孩子已长大的事实
孩子遇到挫折，心想：家还是最温暖的。。父母亲除了担心，还是担心
孩子希望父母亲能够享受晚年福，父母亲却总认为孩子终究是孩子。。永远长不大
相反地，孩子总忘了细心观察父母已渐渐衰老了
世上没有长不大的孩子，更没有不为孩子而操心的父母
但是却没有不会老的父母，只有忘了为父母而操心的孩子

its saturday~~~

today is a happening day.
Indian gals are all dressed up ..walking up and down the corridor..its deepavali~jo's favourite celebration!~!
everyone is partying..including me and my roommies of course.
i wasn't so interested in parties,but since i am invited i think i should just attend it and quit being such an anti-social "bangga kia"!!

i got up kinda late in the afternoon.Lim called me at 2 pm sharp,he is a punctual person..the most punctual one in my dancing team.salute~~~

today is a great day for the indians but definitely not my day..
not to mention bout the punctuality of the other team members..some of them
couldnt even make it for the practice..ok fine..
i was given 30 min to practice in the common room..and some of them could actually drag another 20 min just to get out of their rooms..walk a few steps..take the lift *there r altogether 4 lifts in the hostel..i din even demand u guys to run down the stairs*...three floors down..took them that bloody 20 min to reach huh??

i think with that amount of time..i can even run back all the way from dean's office or slowly take my lunch and check out myself in the mirror..make up a bit .. browse through all the clothes i hav in my wardrobe.try out some..and pick the one that suits my mood ...

pissed off!

so we ended up practising for 20 min??~?yay..good...our rehearsal is tomorrow..

after practice..i rushed up and started discussing bout the formation with hao..
its not an easy job , a good formation can cause a dance to be impressive to the level of heaven ..and vice versa.
rush and rush and rush..
finally..i managed to make it at thineshes' place on time.

the party was fun.Jac's high school teachers so happened to come to moscow for hols..and those teachers are happening.Amazing how a middle-age lady can actually laugh out with a higher frequency and greater amplitude of wave than wendy does.
well , we did warn wendy bout this. .

i m feeling feverish again..weakness in every single strand of muscles i have..

but still..God doesnt really pity me..
i just received a sms from pris..they gonna quit the dance..
i am not a hot tempered person..but i m not feelingless..
screw it..dun even feel like talking bout it..

speaking of cutting hair ..

i cut my hair twice in two weeks.
Everyone approaches me telling me that.

"gals do not cut their hair just like that...there must be a reason for them to have the guts to do it."

ya..u guys are smart.
does hoping-to-have-similar-hairstyle like pretty heroin in dramas explain everything?

thinkin too much is always the main flaw of medical students.

i am posting some pic of mine after cutting my hair all by myself in front of my mirror.

oops..i think i have been hallucinating so much nowadays..so many thoughts came into my mind and i thought that i had already typed it out but the fact is tat none of them seems to be truly posted..

i am sort of typing in the dark..pls excuse me if there's any spelling mistakes.

hey, my legs aren't long enough..my short hair is bothering me so much ..(well, i did it myself..i deserve all the consequences)..my pimples on my face non-stop poppin out..weather is getting colder n colder (which is the reason why arsenal lost badly in the match).. top-ant cycle is comin soon.. n my hair is not getting any longer...

gals..as usual.

i realised somethin recently..i find it interesting..and i dun care ..u have to agree w me no matter wat..

i was showering in the dark..
it doesnt sound so interesting .. . .yet..

i was pissed off for having such a blessing that i could shower at the right time..right after the life-span of the useless bulb..which now i called it " little brighty"..

Showering in the dark..wasnt tat bad afterall..i could feel the unusual peace and calm overwhelming the whole bathroom..
somehow it reminds me of the way i used to fall in love with my previous exes.

i could finally experience blindness physically ..and found out bout my mentally blindness that i had been suffering from in the past..p/s i am totally recovered~!

shower on...damn it..freezing cold water..
on the hot water speedily without even having any transmission of impulses in my cerebral cortex...ended up pretty bad...burnt part of my skin and yelled out like a stupid idiot in the bathroom..
well i guess that indicates the surprises that we always get so excited bout when a relationship just started..

i stretched my arm..searching for the bottle of shampoo...

ish..my tactile tracts arent sensitive enough..
well..i still have olfactory tract(nerves corresponding to smell sensation) aiding me in searching for the right shampoo...
well..it took me forever to find the correct one..
yup..bingo..u got me right~!compromising..understanding..and tolerating ur partner..is never an easy job..it might ends up taking forever...
dun worry..everyone is born with different qualities of nerves..mine suck big time~

after all the troubles..here come the biggest one..
finding the right piece to put on..
i thought i was good ..well u tend to think that u guys make the most perfect couple on earth when u r mentally blinded by sweet talks ,roses..chocolates..romantic dinners..
i walked out of the bathroom(the peaceful bathroom for once)..lights along the corridor shrank my pupils real fast..the corridor was so bright that at the very moment..i felt that i was floating in heaven..the corridor was so much wider that i thought it was..the room looked so huge..everyone that came into my sight was radiating sunlight like the picture i have for my dearest Jesus..
hooo~~~
i walked along the corridor twice before getting into the toilet..
lookin into the mirror..GOsh..i was wearing my top inside-out..

yay..!i embarrassed myself badly along the corridor ~!!!

again, what we used to trust and believe when we were deeply in love..might not be that real and true after all...u might think that u are trusting the right person..believing in somethin which is true..but after being unblinded by the "lights of breaking-up"..u might realise that u are just like me..wearing ur top inside-out..chill out~i am not trying to hint u guys how unsuccessful were my previous relationships..i would just say that..this is what i have been observing..

Mooncake festival..2006

Again, i missed out this celebration with my dearest family members..

Saturday, 2 pm :

pris ," hey..wendy wanna have a party over here instead of joining the others in kahovkaya lerr..i think she is quite serious bout it.."

i flipped and scanned through my work on a capella...my brain was saturated with notes and melody of the song "Canon in D"...

"huh?!?really?but we are having dance practice at 4pm..and my a capella practice at 9pm..ermm..actually i don't mind..as long as i can finish all my work..oh no!i think i will hav oc meeting later.."

pris,"umm..its ok..i will stay over and help u out with the dishes ya?"

"good ..good.."..as i continued with my work..i couldn't really concentrate on composing the melody of tenor...

"argh..screw this..they dun even know how to read notes..i will just compose on the spot..."

we changed into dancing attires..and headed for dance practice..
wat an unlucky day..the common room was occupied and one of our dancing team members-the babi wendy..fell sick..

aiks..we ended up practicing in the room..

after the practice..we rushed to the market..bought some grapes and kitaiskii salad.(chinese cabbage)..
Pris refused to let me cook...

"go away joey..i can do it on my own...i don't wan my garlic gone missing later.."

"okok.i promised!~i will not throw the garlic away yay?hehee.."

"no no..you will!!"

"then..why not we just cook the vege without garlic???huh???it sounds yummy!"

"its a chinese dish!u dont call it chinese food when there is no garlic in it dear.."

frowned..ok..fine..i failed in convincing her ..

"ok then..cut it small..as small as u can...dun let me see it.chew it..and vomit it out later..."

everyone was busy with their own dish in the kitchen..one of the pots was vibrating wiolently as if its gonna burst anytime..
well, all the lips smacking dishes were really impressive.After four years in moscow, everyone's cookin skills are gradually improving..not bad..
we had chicken curry, chinese vege with garlic ;-/ , prawn sambal , eggs , plov(a kind of rice ,originated from Arab i guess.., sweet and sour chicken , chicken with onion ;-/ and some unknown dishes..
we even had small mooncakes which were brought by gary all the way from kahovs.
we did enjoy the party..thanks to wendy..
thanks for everythin.You guys rulez..thanks for the effort .. u guys are my best anti-depressant medication..

lets hav a look at the pic that we took last night..

the most boring lecture..radiology lecture..

the last pic that i took before my precious phone was stolen..
- endocrinology lecture hall
- recess time during therapy cycle..those are my rock stars classmates..

LOVE ME (ni de ai wo)
the way you make me feel so adored
wish you"d bring me candles when i feel lonely
dream that you were my husband-to-be
in 365 all i ask is one
name it after me
lalalala
wish you"d write my name on your favourite palm tree
look in my eyes,love is all you can see
night and day i dream that things are the way before will you love me more
where,when and why did you make me cry
loneliness has become another part of life
tears running strong and angels have gone
don"t how to carry on
baby i need you now
i need your arms to hold me tight tonight
please turn the lights down low
and feel my body glow whisper and flow
baby i need you now
i need your strength to hold me down tonight
the world is outof sight
cause you are all that i"ve been searching for t
he way you make me feel adored

Its a starting of a new cycle.

life isn't that good but its still bearable.
I have altogether four sub this month. Neurology, endocrinology, radiotherapy and dermatology.

Neurology is a tough sub.which requires tons of gyrus in the brain to move along in order to understand this subject..no wonder its called neurology.

today ..the same dramatic scene took place AGAIN..
someone stole my phone..
Ron n I tried chasing him..but he was too far away and we had to give up..
the lecture after tat was like taking forever to end..
my gastric was killing me hence i left the lecture hall during recess time and headed home..

i thought that i was good in managing my anger and depression..
after taking my lunch..i decided to call home..

mom : hello

cry baby : hello..mom?

mom : hello? anything?u seldom call at this hour..anythin went wrong?

cry baby : .. ..(my throat was stuck..shallow eyes filled w tears..trying to hold
back..)

mom : wats wrong??tell me..

cry baby : ..(stil couldnt utter a word)

mom : Tell me..hello?

cry baby : My phone was stolen this afternoon..(trembling voice)

mom : What?feeling sad??wats wrong??

cry baby : ya..have been kinda down these days..and my phone was snatched by an
idiotic russian..(in addition , he looks disgusting in his fitting,
semi-transparent dark outfit...and holding a leather bag which is
light brown in colour..typical russian look!)

mom : Huh?(shocked + upset) nevermind lar..dun think bout it anymore..

cry baby : sob..sob..(tearing non-stop..)

Never thought tat i could actually cry to my mom..at the age of 21..
I guess i must be really upset at that moment..
the exact second when the impulse of my mom's "hello" successfully transmitted to my temporal lobe..
the HOMESICK SYNDROME remission was really bad this time..its the exacerbation stage..

I m so thankful that my parents are always there for me when i need them.
I was so angry with myself for my easily fatiguibility...that had given a chance for the idiot to escape..i m such a loser..
besides, i feel so bad..it was mom's present for me..and i realy appreciated it so much..i really dun wanna get money from my parents for another phone..i m such a loser again..

thanks mommy..the long conversation has saved me from an insomnia night.
or maybe a few?

after talkin it out. . i really miss home so much!!!!

p/s - i am stil the happy-jolly joey..no worries

天空灰得像哭过
离开你以后 并没有 更自由
散散的空气 绣出我们的距离
一路最逊的结局 像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记 炸干了回忆 那笑容是杀气
你我的过去 别想是真的忘记 缺氧过后的爱情
置信的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
心事担担给了承偌 却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过

最美的爱情 回忆里再续

。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。

天空灰得像哭过
离开你以后 并没有 更自由
散散的空气 绣出我们的距离
一路最逊的结局 像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记 炸干了回忆 那笑容是杀气
你我的过去 别想是真的忘记 缺氧过后的爱情
置信的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
心事担担给了承偌 却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过

最美的爱情 回忆里再续

。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。

After taking sedatives for a few nights, I think today wil be a new start for me.

-NO more taking sedatives
-NO more staring at the ceiling and worrying til the sunlight slowly brightens up the room..
-NO more choreographing for my dance..finally its done~!!!
-NO more worrying bout my patient 's history case..teacher seems to like me so much!
-No more tearing at night for nonsense...those are nonsense, i got something better to do now..
-Jess no longer staying in the DARK..we finally shifted the cupboard..
-My corner is no longer isolated...
-My bags of old clothes finally are packed and soon be given away..
-I finally bought an IDD card to call home after one month..always wanted to do so..but there were always obstacles..
-Glomerulonephritis was bothering me so much..finally i find it simple ..
-Something which was inside me for 5 years..finally got an answer ...

time flies...
it has been 5 years..more than that maybe..
its amazing that how things happen within these 5 years..
although i am far apart from the place where all the memories were created..but the memories are always with me..

I am feeling so relief now..
my shoulder is no longer hurting..
i got my motivation all of a sudden..thanks..for everything..
I will bear in mind ...everything that i was told and taught..
LIFE IS WONDERFUL..
its wonderful , when you get to open your eyes in the morning..seeing your roommates preparing for classes instead of having Jesus face to face asking you .."why did you sin so much~!?"and find yourself being nowhere but no longer in the world...

its wonderful , when you still get to see those you love..communicate with them and show how much you love and care...

its wonderful , even if you are far apart from those you love but still get to love
them and care for them...

LIFe is wonderful..appreciate it..

its 7.15 am
woke up at 6 am.
I couldnt sleep much nowadays..

Homesick !homesick!

I cant wait to get my streamyx done.
I cant wait to have video conversation with mommy..
I cant wait to go back in jan..

I am fully occupied in oct.-being part of the OC for Aidil-vali function.
-coming out wth two performances (sounds challenging)
-busy cycle
-do alot of thinkings..on ways of improving myself

Recently, i realized something..break-up seems to be the trend of the year.

THree friends of mine..just broke up..
haha.how come everyone come to me telling me that they broke up..
maybe due to the reason tat ..i am a nocturnal friend..oh no..i think i m a 7-11 friend..alwiz available when they call or sms..

true enough.

midnight in msia..would be my dinner time..
insomnia hours..i am the only one stil studying..or onlining..
early in the morning..after they got themselves wasted..i m the one stil awake to listen to their post-drinking confession...
ya..i am always available for u guys ..

I like the feelings of having supports and someone there for me when I am facing some prob..or having homesick..
thanks yo my fatty buddy !!!thanks for comforting me last night..

Dear all my friends out there...
Again, I have to stress on this again...LOVE AFFAIRS..aren't everything in our lives.
SO, stop being so selfish..think bout the others..think bout those who care bout u more than anybody else does..
Let go when its time to do so..holding on doesnt show your loyalty, nor bring u sympathy..u are just making a fool out of urself..in front of those who already let things go...
MOVE ON!live for urself babes..
STOP victimizing urself in a relationship!!!!!!!!!!

A bit confused..when 99% cases of depression is mainly caused by relationship problems.alright..i am making myself sound like an old lady..i admit it..but i am really sick of witnessing gals being victims of relationships..

Gomenasai - T.A.T.u
(A song which i strongly recommend..)

-when i wanted to cry
i couldnt cause i wasnt allowed

GOmenasai for everything
GOmenasai i know i let u down..
GOmenasai til the end
i never needed a fren
like i do now

-when i wanted to call u
and ask u for help
i stopped myself

GOmenasai for eveything
Gomenasai i know i let u down
GOmenasai til the end
i never needed a fren like i do now

when i wanted to tell u
i made a mistake..
i walked away..

the melody of the song is catchy ..
dl and leave ur comments pls.

Its 1.01 am in the morning.

The caffeine is expressing its effects. I am revising anatomy which was abandoned since the day I got my last zachet in the year 2004.
It doesn’t require too much of brain capacity as it did before. If not mistaken, this would be the 4th time I am studying these topics-arteries and veins circulation, internal organs..

Recently, I found myself addicted to a series named NIP/TUCK. The series are mainly about two kick-ass plastic surgeons ..story lines are really cool and unpredictable.

Lets talk bout the party that we held on Saturday night.it was hao’s birthday.We all got wasted but we did have a lot of fun.

Well,I am still alert of my responsibilities as a medical student..

Classes are getting more and more interesting each day. We get to meet up with a lot of patients and interview them in order to give a preliminary diagnosis.
I love the feelings of satisfaction when I got the diagnosis written correctly.

This cycle I am supposed to finish a history case report on a patient. She is a very nice old lady . A lady with both right and left ventricular heart failure.
The congestive heart failure leads to a complication which is the reason why I got her as my patient.She is suffering from secondary pneumonia due to the congestion of pulmonary artery.Pulmonary hypertension prones to lung infection –that is why we called this a secondary pneumonia.

Besides , she has diabetes mellitus which causes all the ulceration on her legs.They look very painful to me.It looks like some kind of pus plus blood-oozing cut wounds which is as big as my palm.

After reading all these, she might appears depressed , moody or grumpy in your imagination..

i can tell you that she is definitely one of the liveliest , most cheerful , loveliest Russian ladies I have ever met in Russia.

She looks joyful and happy all the time. She enjoys our company so much that she never forgets reminding us to pay her a visit whenever we are free after every interview we had.
She is always smiling .. what a cheerful lady..

People tend to make a big deal out of their own problems, but what I can see in her is that she is making a big deal out of her slight possibilities of recovering from all these complicated diseases. Isn’t this wonderful???
She enjoys her life and she chose to face her problems in a healthy way. Salute!
This is what the smart ones will do. At least, she is immuned to mental diseases called depression and schizophrenia , and get rid of anti-depressants or MAO inhibitors ..
Alright, its time for me to get back to my work.Lets pray for her, by the way, her name is Ivanova.Wish her a speedy recovery!

i have so much..so blardy much to say~~~

today is the first saturday since classes started.
I had early lecture at 9 til 12.30noon.Well, its not an important lecture..not even necessory for a medical student..not to mention important.
Radiology lecture,mainly bout the characteristics of x-rays , the usage of it,the source ..and some complicated theory of its production and some nonsense history.

let me giv u a rough idea of the scene in the lecture hall this morning.

i was sitting at the 10th row.students filled the hall for the sake of the attendance which is pretty stupid..

the first few rows obviously were occupied by those who are soon-to-be red diploma holders.they were tryin their very best to concentrate..can see that..

well, most of the students were busy smsing..God knows who they are messaging..but i guess it is a very normal reflex to have taken out ur phone and message someone else when u find the lecture is just simply wasting time..i have been receiving a number of messages from ppl like this..

other than sms, there were some other activities goin on in the hall ...

pris and some of them were watching ANIME using pocket pc right in front..i peeped at their screens once in awhile..

the guy next to me was reading a book in the beginnign of the lecture..after an hour.he was busy figuring out the mathematic question to challenge me..stil haven figure out the way to solve it yet..but i am pretty sure that i will not giv up man..do not try to discourage me..

jes and wendy were sitting right next to me..
we were busy taking pic using hp..it was funny..it was TRIGGERED by wendy's sleepin pose at first...and the wild action became worse after awhile..from no-flash to few-flashes settings..goodness..hahaa..
ppl who brought cameras for the purpose of capturing the slides from lecture had chosen to take pics of others..take pic of those who were dozing off..and those with funny poses ..

maybe all these sounded ridiculous and irrespectful..but i guess only the medic students will und..
its no fun having lecture early in the sat morning..
a subject which doesnt have a single tutorial class..a single test nor final exam.
what makes us actually bother waking up so early is the attendance..so in the way..we feel threatened..haha..

cmon..medic students are stil human beings..so we are definitely not having more abilities in bearing more stress and burden...others might have chosen other more ridiculous ways to relax themselves...at least we only choose to chill awhile during radiology lectures...

i watched so many movies nowadays..
preparing myself for the worse cycles...

someone make my day this morning..thanks alot!
you are the man！！cheers yo!!!miss u guys alot alot..

first week of new cycle

sept..the so-called "chillest cycle"
i have only one subject which is THERAPY.i have classes in alternate days which is something that i shud be thankful right now.
one subject sounds like i m having another vacation over here..
6 hours per day..3 days per week plus russian language classes and radiotherapy lecture.--not so chilling

the first day of class was abit discouraging.
first of all..the hospital is located quite a distance from my hostel and we lost our way at first.
we were late.
finally the lift came n we all entered the lift..reached basement..a guy n a lady was standing outside and they wanted to come in.
ok fine..its not that i was being mean or racist..
they are both obese n obviously its gonna be over-weight..the pathetic small lift isnt goin to fit so many ppl..
bingo!i was right..the annoying beep came out fr the speaker..
n guess wat happened next?
the obese turned around and looked at us..
"ukhodut pazhalsta"
which means.."go out pls.."
and the lift went up without me and a fren..
i volunteered to leave..so reluctant to share a lift with ppl like tat.

6 hours class was draggy and boring..
but i changed my mind after the second class due to the reason tat i really get to learn alot in this hospital and teacher is willing to teach in addition , my ability to diagnose the patients with the exact diseases that they are suffering from.APPLAUSE!!!

this year is so much more interesting compared to the past few years..at least i get to online anytime i want.yay!!!i really need to chat with somebody when i am feeling lonely.that will drag me out from my depression which takes place quite often in moscow..well..i guess i am not so depressed anymore..for this , i really feel so thankful ..

lets talk bout homesick...it isnt tat severe this time..maybe i m just too occupied and i m thinkin of goin back this coming winter only if its possible.

EVERYDAY, IN EVERY WAY..I AM GETTING BETTER AND BETTER AND BETTER...3X

say it.and u will be able to hypnotize urself..wahahaa...

关于你的歌－李圣杰
写一首歌 你慢慢的爱我唱的歌
就写给你一个人
你让我知道原来情歌所以动人
因为有爱情形成
关于你的歌写着后来我们
一遍遍唱着 未来更多可能
关于你的歌写你单纯天真
看着你静静那种眼神
就会让我好心疼 爱在沸腾
我们可以漫步在每个清晨黄昏
我们可以爱的深
最喜欢让你快乐 拥抱你的灵魂
一个我爱的女人
关于你的歌写着后来我们
一遍遍唱着 未来更多可能
关于你的歌写你单纯天真
看着你静静那种眼神
就会让我好心疼 爱在沸腾
我们可以漫步在每个清晨黄昏
我们可以爱的深
最喜欢让你快乐 拥抱你的灵魂
一个我爱的女人
唱遍了无数的动人情歌
听的到爱你的责任
只要我们就相信了缘分
爱会永远的发生
关于你的歌写着后来我们
一遍遍唱着 未来更多可能
关于你的歌写你单纯天真
看着你静静那种眼神
就会让我好心疼 爱在沸腾
我们可以漫步在每个清晨黄昏
我们可以爱的深
最喜欢让你快乐 拥抱你的灵魂
一个我爱的女人
为你专属的情歌

Last sat was my dearest bro's convocation.The place was incredibly crowded and burningly hot...i got fed up waiting..and chose to sleep in the car.

We took a few pic at one of the studios in the uni itself.The name of the studio was GRAD WITH STYLE.It sounded cool~!

check out one of the pics we had taken...

I am alone at home.Doing nothin besides scanning through others' pages and blogs again and again.Guess what?!I just found out that the first month of my forth year course iw ill be super duper free!!!!i have only one sub for the whole month!!!!!thank GOd for answering my prayer at last...heheee.e...

While checking out the interesting blogs...i did something unusual --- open the blog that i used to write for my ex - terence liew.

those were the days....
the articles are really touching and meaningful...
i wanted to type something to end the blog nicely but then i realized that i already forgotten the user name and dun even mention bout the password.

Very soon i will be leaving Malaysia again..heading for the place..the isolated moscow...

there gonna be a change of life again...
i have to face the stress and challenges again...
life gonna be miserable again...
i m goin to miss my parents and my lovely siblings again..
of course..i will miss my beloved frens as well...

third day of my attachment...

today we took our own sweet time and reached hospital around 11 am.
Dr. Mah asked us to go OT again....
so we went up...changed into scrubs...and all...

hair was wet...but no time to think of any better ways so just stuff everythin into the stupid cap which at the end of the day proved to me that i was so wrong..

well...first operation theatre-- Surgeon-Dr.Mani , its an urological operation.
patient had a trauma at his urethra and this causes stricture and obstruction of outflow of urine.

the aim of the operation was to remove the strictured part and perform anastomoses
to connect back the urethra.

"tell me whats wrong with the patient."

"stricture ,sir."

"what are the causes of stricture?"

"...."total silence...*we haven touched urology yet la doink!*

"which uni r u from...bla bla bla..."

ok screw it..i don't like u...

haahaa....so we stood there for 2 hours...and made our way to the second OT

Surgeon-Dr.Ng
patient has colon cancer and part of the colon has to be removed in order to prevent metastases.
He was very nice and patient...i like him...

third one is the most interesting operation ever...

Dr.Anand used a scapple to pull the fetus out of her mom's womb~!
this is the first time i saw a real fetus freshly from the mother's womb.
she looks like an alien...with so much of hair....
the colour of the skin is white pale with alot of slimmy fluid around...

but i was so excited..

today i stood from 11 am to 5 pm....walked home after tat...
wat a day...

FIRST DAY OF MY ATTACHMENT IN PCSH

when the alarm rang, my eyes could hardly open.I dragged myself to the bathroom and washed up.

8.30am- i was half an hour early, sitting at the bench right opposite the human resource department, waiting for the manager to arrive.

She looks friendly and warm. She led me to the conference room and then i realized that i am joining the nursing group for orientation.

9.00am- a super familiar figure came into my sight all of a sudden.GOSH!it was justine tan?!"what the hell is he doing here right now???i thought he told me that he is applying for Fatimah Hospital????!!!!!"

i felt so delighted suddenly...i have a companion.

the docs, nurses..everyone is so friendly and nice.there is someone who i met today that i must mention here right now.
He is Dr. Mah..***applause!!!**

He is such a wonderful doc!!he took us around the hospital and introduced us to all the doc in the hospital.actually they are all friendly.Justine was mistaken as a male nurse tho....kakaa.....ohya...one thing that i must mention it as well..he really did dressed up well ....i would say/...better than the docs...hahaa...

after the brief intro, Dr. Mah freed us for our lunch break which is 3 hours long?!
he let us arrrange everything...included the schedule....

we came home during this 3 hours break.I offer justine a glass of TUAK which is some kind of alcohol drink made in sarawak ...after few gulps..i guessed the sensory nerves from the taste buds disintegrated and it reached the cortex...somethin crossed our minds...."Oopss!we r going to OT (operation theatre) later~!!!!"

i grabbed his glass of tuak and put both into the fridge....

we drank few cups of chinese tea in order to get rid of the alcohol sting..
OT was kinda boring...though it was my very first time wearing scrubs...

we stood there throughout the whole operation--cholestasis , gall stones located in the middle of CBD(common bile duct).patient suffers from lots of diseases included hepatitis,heart failure and the surgeon(Dr.Jeevaraj) found pus in liver (cholecystitis).She is treated with the drug DIGITOXIN.

Dr.mah is an anesthetician.He introduced to us some latest drugs used in GA.

During the surgery, Dr.Jeeva came out w a question..(how many litres of bile does a healthy person have?)

both of us stared at each other...confused for awhile...struggling hard to figure out the answer...
- tiusichia???
-net...mala...
(we were actually discussing bout the question in russian....)
n in the end...we concluded that its 800 ml.
but the correct answer was 500 ml..plus or minus 500 ml...
-maybe russians have more..hahaaa....,he continued.

-must know how to lie....said Dr.Mah.

its not a common question...too bad i really had no idea.

tomorrow we r supposed to visit the A&E and endoscopy department.

-take your own sweet time to come...don;t have to rush.Dont forget that u r on a vacation!!!!
I just love Dr.Mah soooo much...he is such a considerate doc huh?!

7am.29th of july

first day of my 2006 summer hols..

arrived at the KLIA airport at 12 am tis morning.Eng thye's dad picked us up and sent me home around 3 am due to the fact that my dad is having his chinese medical course 2nd year final examination.

i saw my cutie little snowie, hopping and jumping so excitedly from the moment i stepped out the car itself.
"AHHhh...finally i am home!!!"
the journey was terrible.After my last exam, we went to online for the sake wasting some time instead of stayin in the empty room doing nothing(we packed our stuff the night before).
after that, we were busy cleaning up ourselves, preparing and double checking the important documents.Everyone had this SUPERB grin on their faces..the sickening, "never-ending" exams had finally come to an end.

we boarded the plane around 6pm on the 27th of june.
arrived at the Dubai airport at 11pm. and the next flight was 9.30am in the morning.
this freaking long transit was terrible...worst transit ever...
we were chilling out at food court..having mcds and cracking jokes ..but this didn't really last long.
i went to the duty-free shopping centre..and spent about an hour over there...
2am, most of them from our group were leaving(they got the direct flight from dubai to kl---ok..i admit that i was so idiotic..for booking the ticket so late..and ended up in this crap)

after they left...the 5 little pathetics had totally no idea of where to go or what to do...so in the end we decided to enter the transit restaurant..which is a very grand place with comfy couches and tempting buffet dinner...(i was too full ...and exhausted)

we sat down at a corner...the only two guys from our group went and grabbed some food..jes fell asleep on the couch...my eyes were hardly opened..we were dying for a bed....

after an hour..we walked outfrom the restaurant and headed to the Quiet Lounge.
at least we got to lie down for couple of hours..and rest in peace.

it was so crappy..human beings are never satisfied...i couldn't sleep at all although i was absolutely worn out at the restaurant....my mind was too active..

at last..i managed to force myself to sleep...and it was already 5 am..
we got up around 6.30am...and the guys(hungry ghosts) were rushing us to go wash up and go for buffet breakfast at the same restaurant...with my eyes half-closed...i went and sat down at the same place at the exactly same corner where we sat last nite....

after the breakfast...finally time is passing abit faster....
flight took off at 9.30am- - reached singapore airport at 9.10pm.(s'pore time)
another one hour of transit....GOSH....

10.15pm.take off at the singapore airport..arrived at 12 am.

3 hours drive from KLIA....and finally i m home...

30 min of bath...

1 hour of unpacking n cleaning up luggages...

1 hour 0f chatting ..in msn...

1 hour of tv show...

1 hour for CLEO magazine...after soooooo long since i last touched a CLEO mag.

30 min of tempting to sleep...

failed...

and all of these led me to what i am doing right now...

3 downs..2 more to go...

finally path phys is over..
but sad to say tat i just got a four for this exam..i was so pissed off on the spot..i could answered all the questions so well not even a mistake..
during the oral test..just a single sentence had caused me so much of trouble to correct it..but i guess it was a bit too late..professor already had his mind fixed that..i have a wrong concept of the stupid bloody bile circulation...

excuse me>?!~?how would i mixed up bilirubin(bile pigment) and bile salts????cant you see that i was just speaking too fast and words just slipped out accidentally....ok well...maybe i was wrong...i shoudn't had helped those indians who came in later....

i was sitting in the centre of the hall....
students taking turns to enter the examination hall...and what happened was...those indian students (who never ever give a damn to their studies) entered the hall...and gradually filling up the places around me...and they actually expected me to help them in all of their questions~!?

there were around 6 of them..omg...i even answered a whole page for one of them...
i do not like to do that...no one does...but as usual..i am just not a person who is good in saying "NO"...............

and as usual..i was sort of scolded by hao..for not refusingto help when i wasn't willing to help...
screw it!too bad..i have to accept the fact...

after the disappointing exam...i went to the biggest tourist centre in russia...
its called PARTIZANSKAYA now....used to call IZMALOVSKI PARK.
we entered the souvenirs area....walked around browsing for ambers..for my mom ..she loves them...and we bought a few of russian dolls as well...

we were done in two hours...on the way out of the park..i suggested to try out some snacks that i wanted to try for ages...my mom has never allow us to eat all that...

its kinda hard to explain how it looks like....
but one thing for sure is that...those are internal organs of chickens i guess..deep fried internal organs...it really needs guts to open your mouth and gulp it in....
but it was nice and crispy...kakaaa

talking bout my belly piercing...pls check out the pic that i juz uploaded..its my latest belly ring...but guess wat??it brought me so much of trouble yesterday...

i got this belly ring few days back..
and i was wearing it since that day onwards...
it was ok n fine...no allergic reaction..no swelling..no urticaria...
but of course as a medical student i know that hypersensitivity type 4 will only take place in a few days...and the peak would be ermm....72 hours...

ok come back to the topic....
these few days...i can feel the pain in my belly button...due to the long chain of the ring....i always accidentally pull it and sumtimes it might get stuck to the threads of my clothes...
pullin it out from those sickening threads ...really hurts~!!!

well...i love pain...i mean certain limit of pain...so...i wasnt thinkin of taking it off any soon...

wel...yesterday...it was hurting too much in the evening...
i wan online at tat time...and din bother to look at it.....
until certain moment.....i couldnt stand it anymore...

finally...i stepped out of my bed...walked to the mirror....lifted up my top...and the scene was...WOW.....

blood was flowing all the way out of my belly button.....so muich of blood...

might sounds abit scary..but for someone who is trying hard to be a surgeon in the future...guess wat did i do???

ngek ngek....haha....i went to take a piece of cotton....and wiped out the blood....
suddenly sumthin crossed my mind, oopss~!i passed all my antiseptic solution to pris!~!! aikss....

i called up hao...asked him to bring over his vodka...(contain 40% alcohol )...

"ermm..what are you trying to do hmm???drinkin at this time>>????"

"nono, i m not going to drink it...juzt trust me...i m going to make full use out of it..."

"nono..til u tell me wats it...."

"okok...i wanna sterilize my belly button.."

"........but why???why all of a sudden?"

"DUN WORRY...i m your senior...trust me.."

so finally...the vodka came...
"WHAT???BLACK CURRENT FLAVOUR???"

ok...well i din end up using it....cuz i dun think i wan additional flavouring or colouring to my cut open wound....with bllody flesh stickin out...

i unscrewed the belly ring...n i took it out.....
it was really painful...but i was too into the process of checking out the wound n the stickin out flesh...and the blood....i was imagining myself...using a cutting out the piece of flesh...but of course i din end up doing tat as well...

ermm...so...the wound was actually cut open by the frequent pull of the chain...and the hole became enlarged...i took out the ring n changed it back to the normal ring...to avoid pulling any of the chains again....for the time being i mean..huhu....

its not bout trend or watever....waiyip...
its sumthin that i wan to do so much....
to avoid of havin more regrets in life...i decided to try it...:)

lets talk bout some happy stuff right now..
yesterday i had so much of fun hanging out with jessy and prissy...

i guess those who ever viewed my pic before at my friendster page would roughly know who jess is..she is my pretty roommate with a super model look on her....

let me give u some elaboration on one of my best friend in russia.her name is pris(priscilla)...another gal with a look of a super model and a figure of a super model ...she is around 169-170cm..gosh...doctors nowadays are getting hotter n hotter huh?!!kakaaa....
lets have a look at our pic yo.....
they called me barnie ..... just bcuz of my purple hair....

oopss...i totally forgot bout our camera man...who is actually pris' current bf...hehe...his name is Jed...and he is another model...from Giordano...hoho...
by the way...he is the superstar of the MMA basketball team...cool huh???

pris wanted to get her belly pierced since long long time ago...and finally...we brought her to the place..
its called THE WORLD OF TATTOO (mir tatu)
she was so nervous and kept bugging me ....
poor thing me..i was comforting her all the way...

the process wasn't as scary as my experience tho....at least she had local anesthetic...and my time the stupid guy didn't even give me local anesthetic and i had to pay hundred roubles extra!i was conned!@~!!

ok well...come back to the topic....

we went to mc'Ds after tat ...for lunch and we had big tasty...
so sorry i dont own a camera phone like someone else does...i cant take a pic n show u guys how a BIG TASTY looks like..
its a huge burger ..with a size of your face~!darn huge!
tat was my third time eating that...i was really starving....

after lunch.....we came back by a bus....
again...we are back to our boring lives in hostel...tempting to study patho physio again ..(exactly what we did for the past few days)....
and guess what??!!!today we went out again!unbelievable huh????

we went all the way to kahov hostel..
nothin much...i played few games of mahjong..and won that pathetic few games.....pathetic 30 roub...around...pathetic 4 ringgit...

and now..i m onlining...and goin to study soon...
wat a life...

and the other pic....its my latest belly ring yo!but i guess i m having some allergic reaction ...it started bleeding today...its hypersensitivity type one...but i stil don't believe it...there is no vasospasm and spasmogenic substances released...no swelling...no redness...nothing!it doesnt make any sense....screw it...i m stil wearing it...waiting for the development of antibodies...kakaa......doctors make the worst patients...quite true!

suddenly....
something crosses my mind after started a conversation with waiyip.

there was a night, i sms him...telling him that i want myself to be serious in relationship.....
hahaa..ermm...ya i was serious..but its the not-so-serious type of serious...get wat i mean?huh?
i used to be freaking serious when come to all these stuff...but getting more n more chilling after that.....maybe when time goes by..we tend to see more stuff...gain more experience and learn more lessons in our lives.....
those lessons taught me to be a wiser one...eventhough i ended up as victim...i am stil a wise victim.....
experiences do enlighten me alot...

and then...today waiyip asked me again bout the things that i said in that sms.....
"wat do u mean by serious???"
"so you have found ur the other half now?"

somehow, i juz feel uneasy with the phrase "found the other half.."
i dislike being called as somebody's the other half or vice versa...

and i answered , "i am still as a whole....not goin to be divided yet....we are still young.."
when you are serious...you know tat your are serious...meaning you are serious...

everyone has their own definition of BEING SERIOUS IN RELATIONSHIP.

it doesnt matter , as long as the person gives u the urge to be serious with him or her....
and that already meant alot.....

about the right of choosing another guy while a gal is still involving in a relationship with another guy.......i m stil totally disagree with wat u think lor...keke....

a gal doesnt have any rights to do that when she is sumone's gf...isnt it?????
tis is wat we called GREEDY.
the gal wants the status ...the GF status....and she wants to lead a single life...as in...a life where she can stil flirt around with guys....and being courted by other guys......

i really cant take tis....tis is being a bit too much for a gal....
and tis is the THING that i seriously think that itsa disgrace to gals....
she has no right to do that after all~!!!!

but no doubt what waiyip said after tat was quite true...
dun worry...i m not giving up the FOREST just for a TREE...
i will wait for the TREE......which is goin to worth a FOREST ......

:)

next thurs is my pharma final exams..and i am here online, typin post for my blog..sigh..
life is so boring.everyday thinkin of exams which r bothering me so much..

ppl like to ask bout the progression of revision...'HEY, HOW IS YOUR PROGRESSION HUH??"
I m not sure wat was the answer i gave...but my progression is a bit too fast than usual...
why is it so?
i m wondering....mind wanders too much?or m i a genius all of a sudden?haha..no idea.

i have been drinkin coffee so frequently, experiencing the adverse effects of it...
always feeling anxious..and having tremors in extremeties..
but it doesn't matter...as long as i can stay up and study...there are juz too much to memorize....this is life....

early in the morning(erghh...i mean around ten am..)
hao came to my room...woke me up...
we went out with some frens..had lunch at a chinese buffet restaurant..
but the food doesnt seem to help me in getting rid of the tension and stress...

today's weather is so gloomy...and tis worsen my current situation..my eyes kept focusing at the window...admiring the rain drops...i wish i could hav a break...have a chance to recharge myself..

argh....i am not sure what the hell am i typing right now....
i really cant wait for the exams to get over....get my ass back in msia....

life sucks...

i am feeling damn confused..
i am not sure bout whats running in my mind....
i am just so confused.....

i just wrote jean a message and it sort of enlightens me....
i am leading a messy life over here...
miserable life....
i wish i could quit this and lead a better life....
but i guess its a bit too late...

symptoms of a patient who is having a crappy-life-disease:
- insomnia
- convulsion
- schizophrenia...which means mental illness
- no way of sitting still
- lack of concentration in everythin tat he or she does
- urge of harming his or her own health
- prefer to be alone
-basically just one exact word for all these.....
SICK!!!DARN SICK!~!!~!!!

sick of studying...sick of worrying...sick of getting sick....sick of listening the same songs over and over again...sick of reading the same page,the same sentence, the same word over n over again, sick of walking up n down the corridor, sick of every single thing which is so sickening...

i wonder if i could manage to survive til the coming summer hols....

90% out of 100% of a person's life...is filled w problems and depression...isn't it???
problems that take place in our lives are never-ending...
they make us grow...make us think...and make us wiser....
but the process is just so unbearable.

i miss them as much as you do jean....
i really miss them and love them so so much.